


Homecoming

by Amateurhuman



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: F/F, the last of us part ii
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25366756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amateurhuman/pseuds/Amateurhuman
Summary: Ellie comes home after the events of The Last of Us part II.
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us)
Kudos: 26





	1. Jackson

**Author's Note:**

> Some major spoilers for the game, obviously.

Ellie closes the door behind her and slowly walks over the porch and down the steps. The third board sways and creaks under her foot, as she remembers. It surely would’ve been replaced by now if she hadn’t left in a hurry like that. Now it will just be left to rot.

It’s less than three hours walk to Jackson town. Ellie knows the well trodden track between the farm and Jackson’s southern gate as the back of her hand, still it feels unfamiliar, as if every rock, every bush, every root, every tree isn’t quite where it should be. Some parts of the path are almost overgrown. It’s clear no-one has come this way for quite some time. 

The first half of the trek is a pretty steep road up the forested hill that separates the town of Jackson and the farm, but after that it’s easy going. After strolling among the hight stemmed trunks of the trees for a while, the surroundings opens up in gently rolling fields and farmlands, and the familiar twenty-foot wooden wall of Jackson appears at the horizon. The huge doors of the gate stands wide open to let wind and air in, as is praxis in times of peace. It’s reassuring to see, but still Ellie feels her stomach clench as she steers her steps closer to the town she has called home for the last five years or so. 

Before she goes into town, though, she has a place to visit. Luckily, it’s not much of a detour. A small groove of trees not far outside the town walls marks the Jackson cemetery. In the ten to fifteen years of the town’s existence it has grown quite a bit, as it should, but Ellie has no problem finding Joel’s grave. It looks just as she remembers it, a simple but sturdy wooden plank with only his name on it, as he would’ve wanted. The old vase is still there, and an almost fresh bouquet of summer flowers sits in it. Ellie nods in pleasant surprise. Someone seems to come here regularly. She wonders who it could be. Tommy? Maria? Or maybe Joel’s old flame Esther?

Ellie takes a deep breath and kneels at the grave.

“Hey Joel, long time no see. I’m hoping you’re doing okay, wherever you are.”

She wipes her nose with the back of her hand.

“I’m okay too, kind of. I, um, I really lost it when you died, go figure, but I do my best to find a way back now.”

She puts a hand on the sun-warmed ground, as if she could touch him, to draw strength from his silent presence the way she always did when he was alive. She can't believe more than two years has passed. Ellie grabs a handful of dust and let it trickle through her fingers. 

“And you know what? It fucking sucks.”

Her throat constricts, and she has to clear it multiple times before she can continue. 

“I, uh, just came by to say I miss you, and… I… I love you, old man. Wish I’d known how little time we had, but it seems like I’m always a bit too late to the party, huh?”

She puts down her own wildflowers that she gathered on her way here; aster, butterfly weed, coneflower, wild rose and coreopsis among others, then she picks out a few wilting stems from the other bouquet and looks it over. The grave look nice and colorful now, but compared to the decorations and arrangements of the one just next to Joel’s, it looks a bit simple. She glances over to the other grave, and it almost makes her sneer. Someone is really taking care of that for sure; fresh flowers in a nice vase, plus a wreath of dried artemisia, celosia and bundles of fragrant lavendel and some more flowers that she doesn’t recognise. Also, there is a candle in an artfully crafted clay foot and some fist-sized stones seemingly randomly placed in a pile in the middle, which looks a bit odd. The grave is on the verge of being overdone. To be honest, it’s completely overdone. Front and center stands a small statuette of a sitting guitar player that has an eerie resemblance to the one Dina made for her birthday last year, and that Ellie has had on her desk ever since. She can’t resist reaching over and picking it up. As she turns the weighty piece of clay in her hand, she realises that this isn’t a copy, it _is_ her precious guitar player, the one and only. She stares at it but can’t for the life figure out what it’s doing here at this random grave. She lifts her eyes to the finely carved letters cut into the wooden board, and almost drops the clay figurine. The text says:

In loving memory of Ellie Miller. Gone, but not forgotten.

“Aw, shit.”

She ought to feel something, but somehow the only thing she can think of is that they put Joel’s surname Miller instead of her birth name on the grave, and how that’s just what she wanted.

* * *

At the gate, Callum stands guard in the shadow, leaning against a log. She recognises him though he has grown a tattered beard since she last saw him, about year ago. He spots her almost immediately when she approaches. He shades his eyes with a hand for a better look. She’s almost at arms reach when he puts his hand down and almost fall on his behind in surprise.

“Ellie? It _is_ you!”

She raises a hand in greeting.

“Hey.”

“I can’t believe it! Wow, just wow, Ellie! Everybody thinks you’re dead!”

“Well, sorry to disappoint them.”

Callum shakes his head in wonder. It looks like he has difficulties to decide if he should hug her or run away to tell everybody the news. He does neither, instead he turns and shouts out to no-one in particular;

“It’s Ellie! Ellie is back!”

Ellie waves at him as she passes through the gate.

“See you around, Cal.”

She follows the familiar main road that leads from the south gate straight through the town to the north gate. Everything looks like it’s supposed to, and it’s heartening to see that some things doesn’t necessarily change for the worse. People come out and stare at her when she walks by. Soon he has a small entourage of mostly kids following her. Then starts a hailstorm of questions. Ellie tries to answer them all but everyone speaks over each other and in the end Ellie throws up her hands.

“Guys, guys…”

Then a stern voice breaks through the gibbering.

“So, it’s true. You’re back.”

Maria Miller stares her down. The founder and leader of the town of Jackson has that gaze that makes you feel like she can see right through you. It always makes Ellie nervous, so she tries a casual smile.

“Yep. Here I am. I hope it’s not an inconvenient time.”

Maria doesn’t smile back, instead she crosses her arms.

“Alright. I know someone that’s dying to meet you.”

She turns and begins to walk, and Ellie follows. As you do.

After a while Ellie can’t keep silent anymore.

“How is she? And JJ? Is everything-?”

Maria gives her a side-glance.

“Ellie, I’m taking you to Tommy. This way.”

They find Tommy snoring in a chair outside a small house in the outskirts of the little town. Apparently, Tommy and Maria still is on a break from each other.

“Tommy, you’ve got a visitor. An important one.”

When Maria slaps his shoulder, Tommy wakes up with a jerk. He looks much older than before, grays streaks in his hair has taken over, and he is now more gray than blonde. He’s not looking well, but like he’s been ill a long time. His face has a greyish hue, and his eyes are bloodshot. He blinks at her a long time before he speaks. 

“Ellie! You’re–, you did it! You came back!” 

Laboriously he stands up on his bad leg and limps over to her. His eyes shine with a feverish gleam and his breath reeks of alcohol.

“Did you find her? Was the intel correct?”

“Yes, it was. I found her.”

His posturer relaxes visibly.

“Good.”

Then he looks at her though narrowed eyes.

“You did kill her, didn’t you? For Joel? And Jesse?”

“I–.”

Ellie looks away. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” 

He grabs Ellie by the shoulders and starts shaking her, until Maria steps in and gently pushes him away, furrowing her brow.

“Tommy…”

But he pays Maria no heed. He stabs a finger at Ellie.

“You mean you went away like that, tracked her down, and then _didn’t_ kill her? In god's name, why, Ellie? Why? I’ve seen you kill tens, no, hundreds of people, most of which deserved death much less, without a thought. But this woman, who murdered Joel right in front of our eyes, you let her _live_?”

Ellie looks down. There’s nothing se can say that will change his mind, that’s clear. And the worst thing is that Ellie understands him because she was in his shoes not long ago herself. Now kind and reasonable Tommy seems like a sputtering madman, and that must’ve been how others had seen her too. Ellie cringes inside.

Tommy has continued to talk while she looked away. She can still hear him ramble on.

“…Was this just too fuck with me, Ellie? To torture me you did this? I can’t imagine another reason. Or are you such a weak–”

Ellie feels Maria’s hand squeezing her shoulder.

“That’s enough, Tommy. I think Ellie got your point.”

“She fucking better. And you.” He points at Ellie, “I don’t want to see you again, ever.”

* * *

Maria walks Ellie back. Ellie kicks a stone so it bounces away on the road several meters before them. It doesn’t make her feel any better.

“He’s pretty mad at me.”

For the first time Maria looks at her with something that resembles kindness.

“No, he’s not. He’s mad at himself.”

Ellie frowns.

“He is? I don’t think we heard the same conversation.”

“You have to forgive him, Ellie. His brother’s death really hit him hard, and since you left and didn’t come back, he’s been riddled with guilt. Tommy very much regretted convincing you to leave Dina and JJ and go away on some kind of crazy lone-wolf suicide mission, though he’ll never admit it. Your alleged death was the final straw, but to see you alive again may be the first step back.”

“It wasn’t all his fault.”

“Agreed, I really thought you had more sense in you.”

Ellie only nods to that, then she looks up at Maria.

“About Dina, how is she? And where is she?”

“I’m not sure it’s a good idea right now, Ellie. Dina was completely heartbroken when you left. Then we heard that you hadn’t made it… well, you get the picture. It wasn’t pretty.”

“But I’m here now.”

“Yeah, after being away for a full year. And no messages, no signs that you were still alive. _Everybody_ thought you were dead, Ellie, with good reason. You showing up now, out of the blue, I don’t know how she’ll react. Maybe you should give it a little more time.”

“I… I really need to see her.”

Maria sighs.

“I guess you have to do what you have to do. Dina and JJ are living with Jesse’s parents. You know where their house is?”

Ellie nods. 

* * *

Smoke rises from the chimney when she arrives at Jesse’s parents house, and the aromas of cooking makes her stomach churn. Maybe other things are contributing to that feeling too. Well, someone is home, alright. Ellie stops and listens at the door, but it is made of robust timber and doesn’t let much sound through. She can hear the distant murmur of a conversation, but it’s impossible to identify the persons talking. With an arm that feels heavy like lead, she knocks. 

Footsteps are coming nearer on the other side. It doesn’t sound like Dina’s, but she has no time to decide whether that’s a good thing or not before the door opens. A tall and lanky shape, Jesse’s father Robin, stands in the doorway, though in the warm light from the inside and the shadow of the portico he looks more like a silhouette of a scarecrow than a real person.

“Ellie!” He breathes, before stepping aside and weakly gesturing for her to enter, “You’re alive!”

Inside, Jesse’s mother Olivia is setting the table for four, three normal chairs and one tall, newly crafted kid’s chair. When Ellie enters, Olivia yelps like she has seen a ghost. The plate in her hands drops to the floor and shatters with a loud crash.

In the middle of the room a small figure rises on short sturdy legs and with outstretched hands and a loud ”gamma!” run towards Olivia, who lifts him up in her arms.

Ellie almost stumble when she runs forward to them, a big smile on her face. Her gloomy feelings are as blown away.

“Hey buddy! What you have grown! I can’t believe it! You walk! And talk!”

She reaches out to caress his thick mat of dark hair, but JJ shrinks away from her hand and tries to hide in Olivia’s shirt. His eyes are very big, and very frightened.

Olivia finds her voice again, 

“I think it’s best to take it slowly.”

Ellie steps back, gloominess washes over her again.

“He doesn’t recognise me?”

“You’ve been away a very long time, Ellie. We heard you were dead!”

“Yeah, about that…”

Ellie stares at JJ while the iron fist clutching her heart squeezes and squeezes. She moves her eyes from the scared child to Olivia.

“Is Dina here?”

“She should be here any minute, dear, she wouldn’t miss dinner. She’s helping out repairing the old barn. You’re welcome to eat with us, of course. Where are you staying? You can stay here if you want.”

“No, I– I–, well, Thank you, Olivia, but I don’t know…”

Ellie really wishes she could pretend it’s business as usual and nothing has changed since last she was here, more than a year ago. She really does, but she can’t.

“I need to talk to Dina first, then we’ll see what happens.”

Robin rises after finishing picking up the pieces of the broken plate. 

“C’mon, Ellie, let’s talk outside.”

Robin puts the pieces of broken china in a bin standing by the door, but not to be thrown away, but rather to be used for something. Maybe the larger pieces can be used in some of Dina’s clay pottery. Nothing goes to waste if it can be avoided, not even porcelain shards. 

Robin dusts off his hands, turns and looms over Ellie. His face is full of strained lines. 

“Ellie, I won’t give you a hard time for running away from your family. Dina will hand you your ass if I know her correctly. But, I need to ask you, did you kill Jesse’s murderer? Did that woman get what she deserved?”

A loud giggle and a joyful shriek is heard from behind the door where Olivia and JJ are playing. It makes Ellie want to rush back inside again, to see him smile, but she doesn’t. Instead she faces Robin.

“No, when I had the chance, I didn’t.”

“What do you mean? You couldn’t?”

“I could, but I didn’t. She was caring for someone else, and killing her would’ve killed this innocent kid too. I know Joel wouldn’t have wanted that.”

Robin scoffs.

“Screw Joel! What about us? What about justice?”

Ellie scoffs back. No-one’s screwing Joel over.

“Justice? Justice for what? Jesse killed many people over there. And so did I. And I mean a lot! They weren’t worse people than us, at least most of them weren’t, so if it’s getting what you deserve you’re after, then Jesse deserves to be dead, and so do I, as well as Tommy, and even Dina.”

Ellie gestures towards the surroundings.

“And so do half of this damn town. You don’t want justice, Robin, you want revenge.”

Robin is silent, staring at her in anger, but after a while it fades, and he droops his head.

“You’re right, Ellie. It’s just so hard living with this. So hard. Maybe knowing she was punished for what she did would make it a little easier.”

“I know what you mean, Robin. I wanted it too, I wanted it so much it consumed me. You know what I left just to pursue it.”

Robin nods.

“I do.”

Laughter from JJ is heard again, and it makes Ellie grimace. 

“I thought I could change something by killing her, you know, to make it go away. But it’s a lie, a mirage, a delusion. In the end, the dead remain dead, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But you’re lucky you’ve got the living to focus on. The pain is just something we have to learn to live with.”

Robin nods again. He looks defeated, but also thoughtful.

“You’re right. Dina’s a wonderful daughter-in-law, and JJ’s a handful. He’s also exactly what we need. We’re truly blessed.”

Inside a crash is heard, and Olivia shouts something. But JJ is only laughing. Robin shakes his head with half a smile. 

“Speaking of the devil. I hope that wasn’t great-gran’s soup tureen.”

He opens the door, but when Ellie doesn’t follow, he turns.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

“I think I’ll go look for Dina. I’ll come by later.”

* * *

The old barn is a solid two-storey log building that are mostly used by the community for storage. A big tarp covers the end of the barn’s roof, but no-one seems to be working on it at the moment. The large iron-shod double doors at the side of the building are secured with a heavy padlock. Ellie walks around the large building.

“Hello? Anybody here?”

A gravelly and dazed voice answer her.

“Who goes there?”

Ellie turns the corner and finds old Gus sitting on a chair among the tomato plants in the afternoon sunshine. His hat falls off as he straightens up, and Ellie suspects she caught him napping though he is on guard duty. The big key to the padlock dangles around his neck as he rises. She gives him a smile.

“Hey Gus, it’s just me.”

“Ellie! You’re back! And you’re alive!”

He walks up to her and touches her shoulder, as to reassure himself that she’s actually there. 

“This is incredible! Some traveller from the west told us you had died! We even had a funeral and everything! You should’ve been there, Ellie! People were saying some awfully nice things about you on your feast afterwards, you know. I even played a song in your memory.”

Ellie looks away to hide the rising color on her cheeks. She doesn’t doubt the song was great, as Gustavo is the best musician in Jackson, and probably for many, many miles beyond. She almost wishes she could die here on the spot to get it over with. Why did they have to make such a big thing of her death? She was nothing special, and she didn’t want to be either. Joel, on the other hand, his funeral had been just as he deserved. But Ellie, she was just some girl and nothing to write home about. The wave of shame passes quickly, though.

“If I had been there I guess there wouldn’t have been a funeral in the first place?”

“Ah, yes, that’s true, that’s true!”

Gus laughs at his own stupidity, then he scratches his gray stubble of a beard and looks more serious. 

“Have you, uh, have you talked to Dina yet?”

“No, I’m looking for her, actually. Do you know where she can be?”

“She left with the others just minutes ago, I think. They had a delivery to the Tipsy Bison before going home. If you run, you’ll catch up with them easily.”

* * *

When she arrives at the bar, warm light spills out from its windows. The double door is just as scruffy and patinated as she remembered it. She enters and the inside smells of ragout and people. Immediately a swarm of Jackson’s younger men and women gathers around her, shakes her hand and slaps her back. The rumour of her resurrection has apparently reached critical mass, and now everyone seems to know about her return. She tries to get a glimpse of Dina through the sea of limbs and smiling faces, but she is nowhere to be seen. Ellie tries to turn in the door, but the crowd draws her in and props her up on a barstool, amid her weak protests. Seth behind the bar counter smiles, a smile that actually seems genuine.

“There you are, Ellie! I just heard about you miraculous appearance! This calls for a drink, eh?”

He puts down a clean tumbler in front of her and grabs a bottle from the shelf behind him, uncorking it.

“This one’s on the house.”

Ellie lifts her hands.

“Wait, guys…”

She really ought to be going back to Jesse’s parents and see if Dina has returned. But, on the other hand, she could really use a drink first. Ellie puts her hands down and grabs the glass with her three-fingered hand.

“Alright,” she sighs, “Pour me one.”

She takes a sip. It’s really good, top-notch stuff. Seth must have served her from one of the rare bottles from the time before.

After a moment, she opens her eyes again.

“Thank you, Seth. Have you, uh, seen Dina, by the way?”

“Yeah, she and some of the boys fetched me some salted beef from the storage earlier, and then she had some kind of argument with Callum. I don’t know what he said to her, but she slapped him right in the face, right there and then.”

Ellie looks up from her glass.

“Wait, what? What happened?”

Seth shrugs. 

“Damn if I know, you’d better ask Cal himself.”

He raises his voice.

“Hey, Callum, get your ass over there!”

Callum makes his way over from somewhere in the back. His left cheek is flaming red, and he looks uneasy when Ellie fastens her gaze on him.

“What the hell did you say to her?”

“Nothing, I swear!”

Ellie frowns at him with eyes like lasers.

“Can’t have been nothing, Cal.“

“I mean, I just told her you were back, and when she refused to believe me, I told her I’ve seen you myself, and talked to you, and then; Bam! She hits me, just like that!”

Seth chuckles at Callums baffled grimace while he refills Ellie’s glass.

“Yeah, unusual reaction to good news one would think. And another unusual thing; first she rushes out, then she comes back in, grabs a bottle of gin from behind the bar, then storms out again.”

Seth splays a hand.

“A whole damn bottle, huh?” He gives her a shrewd glance, “Guess you’re gonna celebrate thoroughly tonight.”

His grin vanishes when Ellie puts down her half finished drink and stares at him, and he mechanically starts wiping the already shining bar desk, mumbling, “As you should, as you should.”

Ellie’s palm slaps down on his wrinkled hand and cloth, stopping its circular motion.

“And this was when?”

“Uh, maybe five-ten minutes ago? Why, I thought–? Wait, your scotch!”

But Ellie is already on her way out the doors.

* * *

Ellie stops in the big intersection in the middle of the town. Where the hell can Dina have gone? Probably not back to Jesse’s parents, she guesses, not with a pilfered bottle of gin in her hand. Ellie lets go of all pride as she stands in the middle of the street and shouts until her throat feel sore;

“Dina! Dina!”

She stands still and listens, but hears no response. What she does hear is the distant noise of a horse galloping away.

“Shit.”

Ellie runs for the stable. The stable doors stand wide ajar. Inside, the smell of horse is comforting. There are almost no empty stalls and Ellie recognises nearly every horse there. After a quick survey, she walks in to Alloy, a big palomino quarter horse. He greets her with a soft neigh and nuzzles her hand and cheek with a big soft muffle. No stares or ‘gosh, I thought you were dead’, he just seems happy to see her. Ellie pats his big, muscular neck.

“Hey boy, I’m happy to see you too.”

Alloy is a bit hot-tempered but fast, and now she needs fast. Ellie grabs a pad, saddle, reins and bridle from one of the saddle rooms, tacks him up and leads him out on the yard. She can’t find her riding boots in the boot rack, but hopefully, she won’t be riding through many thorns or bushes today.

She puts a sneaker-clad foot into the stirrup and throws herself up on the saddle. It’s good to be on horseback again. It feels like she hasn’t done anything but walking and walking lately.

Dina must’ve ridden out the north gate, or else she would’ve passed Ellie on the main street. Probably. She turns Alloy to the north. Lucia stands guard in the lookout tower when Ellie arrives at the gate, her big curly hair stands like a dark gloria around her head. Ellie reins in Alloy, who snorts and stomps his front legs, eager for the run.

“Hi Luci, have you seen Dina?”

“Ellie! I thought you were dead!”

“Yeah. Did Dina come through here or not?” 

“She sure did. I tried to tell her she shouldn’t ride out alone, but she just blazed right past me.”

Lucia points towards the tree line and the dark mass of firs climbing up the distant mountains.

“She galloped away towards the northern woods like she was chased by the devil.”

Lucia looks down at Ellie and the penny drops, but before she can say anything, Ellie has already nodded in thanks and urged Alloy on. He willingly goes up in a trot that easily accelerates into canter and then a speedy gallop. The wind sweeps away the hair from Ellies face and the worries from her mind. It’s hard to think of something else when you’re thundering forward on a fast steed in a beautiful summer afternoon. She even yee-haws when the sheer power of Alloy’s moving muscles and rhythmic persistence of hooves beating against the dusty road overtakes her senses.

After the new log bridge, the road forks into two and Ellie has to stop and jump off her horse to try to figure out which direction Dina headed. This is the way to the clocktower watch-post, so the path is pretty well-trodden with hoof-marks, but Ellie sees that a single horse recently has turned left towards the radio tower. She and Alloy follows the tracks on narrow trails and through singing brooks past the woods and into the village. When they pass Green Place Market and further into the ruined and overgrown town, Ellie feels pretty certain she knows where Dina is. Back to the scene of the crime, so to speak.

At the old library, Ellie dismounts and walks up to the closed doors. She can see movements through the glass pane.

“Dina? Are you there?”


	2. The library

Ellie finds what must be Dina’s horse, Japan, behind the heavy sliding doors. The inside of the library looks a lot more cleaned up than she remembers and all the books in the bookshelves are gone. Japan happily munches from two improvised throughs for food and water. Ellie leads Alloy over and the horses greet each other with soft whinnyings. An orange garden hose snakes over the floor from the water trough from the copy center door in the back. Ellie picks it up, turns the hose valve and fills up water for Alloy. Someone has really given this place some love.

The door to the copying center is barred from the inside, and the window on each side are boarded shut. 

Ellie knocks.

“Dina? Are you in there?”

She knocks again, a bit harder this time.

“Hello? Anybody?”

When no-one answers, Ellie starts to pound at the door.

“Dina!”

She tries the door one more time, and miraculously it’s still locked.

“Damn.”

Ellie draws her trusty knife. The locking bar is not that hard to lift by prying the blade through the door crack. It’s obviously there to hinder stray infected from getting in, not to keep a moderately crafty human out. Inside everything is in darkness, so Ellie finds the generator, which stands exactly where she remembered it, and starts it up. 

The light blinks on, and she sees that everything is much more clean and tidy than she expected. And as she wanders deeper inside, she sees books everywhere. In rows and heaps on the floor and stacked up and down against the walls. Eugene’s old bed in the kid’s area is made with fresh linen, and has a creosote reading lamp and a couple of books on the small table beside it. Typically Dina-books by the look of it, with titles like ‘The year of magical thinking’, ‘Tiny beautiful things’, ‘Bearing the unbearable’, and more. Ellie isn’t much for reading, she doesn’t want to be reminded of the time before and what they’ve lost, she much more prefers silly movies and comics. Dina, on the other hand, always had her nose in a book as soon as she had time over. 

“Humanity was just as fucked up then as now.” Dina had said, “I think we’re a bit more honest to our character these days, and more experienced, but you can still learn a lot from reading.”

Ellie picks up a small yellow book, ‘A grief observed’, by some N. W. Clerk. It’s old and scuffed, looks at least fifty years old and precisely like the type of book Dina would love. She leafs through it and finds that it is littered with underscores and comments in Dina’s sprawling and careless hand. Her writing is so diametrically different from what one would expect that it makes Ellie smile every time she sees it. Ellie closes the book and puts it down on top of the pile again. She has no intention of reading Dina’s scribbles, they are for her eyes only. To be fair, Ellie isn’t sure she would be able to decipher them even if she had wanted to.

So, Eugene had supplied Dina with books for a long time it seems, right up to he moment he died. It must’ve been hard for her, aside from loosing a good friend, to not getting any more books. At least now Dina can get as many she wants on her own. It makes Ellie happy to know.

Eugene’s stuff is cleared from the desk. Now it’s filled with more books, mostly children’s books, seemingly sorted by intended age. On the wall above sits a small polaroid of Dina, JJ and herself. They look so happy together, though Ellie can’t remember when the photo is taken, or by whom. JJ is tiny, though, so it must have been taken more than a year ago, months before she left for the west coast. How things have changed since then.

Ellie finds her way to the so-called hidden entrance behind the bookshelf. It is already open, so she wanders down the stairs to the basement. She knocks on the doorframe before entering.

“Dina, are you here?”

When she comes out in the large room, she sees that the ordering and tidying has spread down here as well. Gone are the rows upon rows of withered weed bushes, and the tables and floor are swept clean from dirt and dried plant parts. The things on the shelves are put in place and the boxes are all in order. There are loads of books down here too.

Ellie takes a step, then halts. A bathtub stands in the middle of the room among the shelves and tables. She is sure it didn’t stand there before, and it looks really out of place. Then she hears a sniffle from the back of the basement. Dina sits in the sofa, hugging a big burled cushion. It takes a moment for Ellie to realise it’s the real Dina sitting there, not some kind of figment of her mind. She feels her knees go weak. She has played out this scenario in her head so many times, but now that it’s actually happening, her mind goes blank. When Ellie finally speaks, it’s more of a whisper.

“Dina?” 

Dina doesn’t look up, and her voice is muffled from pressing her face into the pillow.

“How did you find me?”

Ellie walks up to Dina in the sofa.

“I just did. The important thing is that I’m back. Like, finally, right?”

Dina still doesn’t look up.

“I…, I…”

“…thought I was dead, I know. I, uh, really like what you did to my grave, by the way.”

“Thank you.”

Ellie moves closer, unsure of what to do.

“I was expecting to find you drunk as a skunk. I heard you scampered away with a full bottle of Seth’s gin.”

“Yeah, that was my plan, but the fucking bottle broke on the way. But then, what’s the point. And I hate his homemade pine-stinking tummy buster.”

“He’d take that as a compliment, for sure.”

Ellie begins to sit down in the sofa, but seeing Dina bundled up in the corner, she has second thoughts about it and remains standing. 

“Dina, I’m so sorry for not coming back right away. I got hold up. And I really shouldn’t have gone in the first place.”

“There was a rumour that you had died.”

“Well, you shouldn’t listen to rumours, obviously.”

Dina looks up with her large dark eyes. 

“A young woman coming back from the west coast, really beaten up, with several festering stab-wounds, and named Ellie. Apparently on her way to Jackson. She got really sick and died. I shouldn’t have listened to that?”

“Well, I didn’t die, did I? But it was close. Spent all winter fighting a bad wound fever, then the whole of spring just to get back on my feet. I am lucky that these farm people took me in and treated my wounds the best they could. I’m lucky to be alive.”

“I can’t believe you’re actually here. It feels like I’m in a dream.” 

“Good or bad?”

“I don’t know. Right now it feels like I’m losing my mind.”

Ellie sits down on the sofa beside Dina. 

“Hey, Dina, it’s alright. I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Dina doesn’t move closer to her, but she doesn’t move away either.

“That’s exactly what you say in my dreams, but when I wake up you’re still gone. How can I trust you this time?”

“Well, this isn’t a dream, for a start.”

Dina pouts her lips.

“How can you be so sure?”

Ellie splays her arms.

“Well, go on and help yourself. Check if I’m real.”

Dina reaches out and pinches Ellie’s arm. Then, carefully, Dina scoots closer and leans her head against Ellies shoulder. She looks up with wrinkled nose.

“I’m not dreaming, it’s definitely you. How long have you worn those clothes if I may ask?”

“A while.”

“And how long is a while? Are we talking days, or, ahem, weeks?”

Ellie thinks back to when she last had a change of clothes.

“Hmm. Weeks.”

“Eww, Ellie! You need someone to look after you, that’s painfully clear.”

“Hey, I’m fully capable of taking care of myself, thank you.”

“If you say so, but let’s get those rags off and clean you up a bit anyway.”

“What? Now?”

“Yes, it can’t wait. I’ll be back in a sec.”

They rise from the sofa. While Dina goes away to fetch bathing paraphernalia, Ellie takes a closer look around. 

“You really have fixed this place up.”

“Yeah,” Dina says from the back of the room, “This place was a dump. I loved Eugene, but one thing he wasn’t was a neat freak.”

She returns with a bundle of cloth, a piece of soap, and a bottle of homemade shampoo, that she dumps in Ellies arms. 

“There’s a rainwater harvester system on the roof that Eugene constructed. I’ve tinkered with it a bit, mostly adding capacity and a better filter, and adding some more user-friendly taps and hoses. And then this; a bath tub.”

They walk up to it. It’s a real tub, from a bathroom. How the hell did she get it down here? Dina grabs a hose hanging down from the ceiling and starts filling it up.

“There’s a functional drain here, that’s why I have it in the middle of the room.”

“You did this all by yourself? Color me impressed.”

Dina shrugs, but Ellie can tell she’s pretty proud by the ways she does it. As she should be, the complete overhaul she’s made to the library is no small feat.

The water pressure is good, but even so it takes a while to fill the tub. When it’s about half full, Ellie dips a hand. The water isn’t icy cold, but far from comfortable. Dina sees her face and chuckles.

“Don't worry, for a yellow-belly like you we’ll heat it up.”

She nods to a couple of power strips with a bunch of electric kettles connected to them, all of different brands and states of deterioration.

“Looks unsafe.”

“Nah, it’s worth the risk. This is supposed to be a relaxing experience too, right? I come here and just soak when I need a bit of time for myself.”

“And smoke some weed? Or did you just throw that away?”

“I didn’t. I have enough to cover me for the next two hundred years or so.”

“Good to hear you’re planning ahead.”

“Need to. Life as a single parent isn’t easy. I’m really lucky to have Jesse’s family around.”

They start boiling water and pour into the tub until a thin veil of steam rises from the surface. Dina pokes her pinky finger into it. 

“That should do it. Now get out of those clothes, so we can get you freshened up.”

Ellie begins to strip down. It’s not like Dina hasn’t seen her in the nude before, but still it’s a bit weird. Dina seems to feel the same way because she obviously doesn’t know what to do with her eyes. Her gaze flickers between Ellie, the roof, the far wall, and the bathtub. Finally, when Ellie stands all bare, it comes back to her. Dina draws a loud breath.

“Oh my god, Ellie, you’re only skin and bones!”

Ellie shrugs.

“I was really ill for a long time, but I’m rebounding.”

Dina reaches out a hand and traces the contours of a scar running along her collarbone.

“And so many scars.”

She walks around Ellie, pinching and touching all over her body. 

“You have scars everywhere. What the hell did they do to you?”

“Well, you should see the other guys.”

Dina’s voice almost breaks.

“It’s not funny, Ellie. There are more scars than skin on you.”

She grabs Ellie’s right arm.

“Oh my god,” She whispers, “What is this? Another bite?”

“Yeah, though they say the first one’s the worst.”

Ellie gives Dina one of her lopsided smiles. What else can you do when you’re standing buck naked and getting inspected inch by inch. But Dina doesn’t smile back. She looks up with big watery eyes.

“Oh, Ellie…” 

“Easy, Dina. I’m not planning to get any new ones. Scars _or_ bites. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Dina grabs Ellie’s other arm, and now she shrieks right out.

“Your hand! What happened to your fingers?!”

She cradles Ellies left hand with its two fingers missing in hers, then she lifts it up to Ellies face to show her, as if she didn’t know already. Ellie shrugs again.

“Karma?”

Dina shakes her head furiously but can’t keep the tears away any longer. 

“Oh Ellie,” She snivels, “What the actual fuck?”

Ellie can’t help it, but seeing tears stream down Dina’s cheeks, she just have to grab her and hold her, so she does, and Dina let her do it.

“Hey, don’t worry. I’m alright now, I really am.”

Dina leans her head against Ellies neck, then she looks up with a sniffle.

“You’re shivering.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to get a bit cold to be honest.”

“Oh, right, I’m sorry. Get in the tub.”

When Ellie steps into the bathtub and sits down, the water encloses her body like a warm, smooth, silken cocoon. She can’t remember the last time she had a proper hot bath.

“Oh brother, this is good.”

Dina drags a wheeled office chair from a nearby table and sits down behind her.

“I know, right? C’mon, let me wash your hair.”

Ellie dips under to get her hair wet, then Dina starts to massage in the shampoo. Ellie shuts her eyes and feel her body relax by the warmth and gentle hands caressing her head. Dina works through her hair, front to back, in silence and Ellie doesn’t break it. At least not right away.

“Dina?”

“Mm?”

“Do you know what you call a cow with no eyes?”

“A… what?”

“A cow without eyes. What do you call it?”

“I’d call that pretty gross.” 

“Noo, that not it.”

“Hmm, okay, then why don’t you tell me, miss know-it-all? What do you call a cow with no eyes?”

“It’s called an ow!”

“Huh?”

“An ow! Don’t you get it? If you remove ‘the see’,” Ellie lifts two dripping hands from the water and makes quotation marks in the air, “from a cow, it will go bump into things? Ow!”

“Oh, now I get it. Very funny, Ellie. A bit convoluted maybe. Did you make that up yourself?”

“Yeah, just now.”

“Why am I not surprised. The dad joke to rule all dad jokes. You clearly have it in you.”

“What?”

Dina pats Ellie on her wet head.

“Nothing. I’m done with your hair. You finish up now while I go get you something to put on.”

* * *

They sit down on the sofa again, Ellie in a flowing bathrobe, and Dina fully dressed, of course. Dina puts down a pile of clothes between them. 

“I still find some stuff here in the village, though these may not be the fanciest. I hope they’ll fit.”

Ellie doesn’t give the clothes a glance, instead she leans backwards and stares up in the ceiling. 

“Maybe we can have a smoke first? Nibble some from that two hundred year stock?”

Dina takes a deep breath and clasps her hands in her lap.

“Ellie, first we need to talk about us.”

Ellie sits up, not at all relaxed anymore.

“Okay, we can definitely do that too. So, what about us?”

“You may act like everything is as before, Ellie, but for me, It feel like I don't know you anymore.”

“What do you mean? I’m the same me.”

“Yeah, but maybe I’m not the same me.”

“You seem to be the Dina a knew.”

Ellie pats the sofa between them.

“We knew each other right here on this sofa for the first time. In the biblical sense so to speak. Do you remember?”

Dina smiles.

“Of course I do. I will always remember. A solid ten.”

Ellie smiles back.

“Numbering everything. But I agree. A solid ten.”

Dina’s smile vanishes.

“But a lot has happened since then, since you went away.”

Now Ellies smile disappears too.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean a lot has happened.”

Ellie shifts in the sofa. She does her best to look unnerved, but her shoulder-muscles feels like taut iron wires.

“You have met someone new.” She looks away. “That's perfectly understandable. I mean, I get it.”

When Ellie looks back, her face is a mask of neutrality.

“Is it Jake? Roddy? Oh hell, don't tell me it's Cat!”

“What? No! The only girl I’ve been dating lately is Mary-Jane. What I mean is, you’ve been dead for over half a year, and then you’re suddenly back. I’m not sure you understands how that feels. I mean, I’m super happy that you’re alive, but It's like I can’t trust my senses anymore. It’s hard for me to even be in the same room as you. Maybe I’ll blink and you’re gone again.”

“I’m done with that. I’m here to stay.”

Ellie puts her hands up when she sees Dina’s sceptical face.

“Wait, I’m not assuming you'll take me back, not right away. I understand that I treated you bad. But I promise–.”

Dina scoffs in her face.

“Bad? You treated me like shit!”

“Yes, I treated you like shit and I really disappointed you–.”

“Disappointed me? I hated your fucking guts, Ellie! I fucking hated you.”

“Oh… Alright, you hate me.”

Ellie swallows before she continues. 

“I understand that and that you have a hard time to forgive me.”

“What you did is damn near unforgivable, Ellie. And not only for what you did to me, but to JJ too. He's just a baby, and you were his parent too, and you just went away like that in the middle of the night? To maybe never return? That's so out of control. I thought you loved him like your son, I mean, that he _was_ your son. Only a mentally ill person would do anything like that. Like, for what? To go away and kill someone? I know you loved Joel like a father, but geez.”

“Ah, okay, I totally get it. I'm mentally ill and not fit to be a parent, or a girlfriend, at all. I understand that now. I should never have come back.”

Dina shakes her head.

“It would've been much easier for everyone if you had just stayed dead. I had begun to get over you, you know. At least I didn't cry myself to sleep every single night anymore. And sometimes, I could even feel a little glimpse of happiness, if ever so small. I had things under control, and now…”

Dina puts her head in her hands.

“I don't know what's happening now.”

Ellie is pale as she rises from the sofa.

“I understand, Dina. I really do. Maybe it was just a cruel joke that I survived. It would've been better if I hadn't.“

She starts putting on pieces of clothes, one after another, with her back against the sofa, and Dina. The Clothes are garish and ill-fitting, or ‘jazzy’ as Dina would put it, but better than nothing.

“I think I better go now. It was selfish of me to come back.”

Dina looks up, a large crease between her dark eyebrows.

“What? You're going?”

Ellie still looks away, buttoning up her pants.

“Yeah, I’ll head back west, I think. Maybe finish what I started. I have work at that farm if I want to. It’s a big farm, and they are good people, you know, and they need a hand and a half. They were pretty disappointed when I left.”

She put’s on her shirt and turns to Dina in the sofa.

“I’m sick and tired of disappointing people, Dina. I should've stayed out of your life when I had the chance.”

Dina stares back up at her with a bewildered look.

“Oh my god, Ellie! I can't believe what a complete moron you are!”

Ellie sits down and starts to pull on her canvas sneakers.

“No I get it. I understand completely what you think of me, and I know I deserve every ounce of it.”

Dina stands up. It looks like she wants to smack her right in the face. Instead she smacks her own forehead. 

“It's the exact opposite, you dumb-ass! Somehow you have no clue about what I think, and you most definitely does not deserve how I feel about you!”

“I... uh… what?”

Dina grabs Ellie and drags her up on her feet, one of her sneakers only halfway on her foot, and promptly place a tender kiss on her mouth. Ellie stands there, swaying from left to right on one leg. 

“Why did you do that?” She breathes.

“Why did you... “ Dina rolls her eyes, “Still, you don’t get it?”

Ellie doesn’t answer this time, but her cheeks are very red.

“I”, Dina strokes away the damp bangs from Ellies face and cups Ellies cheeks in her palms, “love you, Eleanor Miller.”

“But–.”

“Always have, always will. It's only with you I’m happy. When I’m not, I can’t…live. Not really. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

Ellie desperately tries to gather her thoughts. 

“But, I thought you said you didn't want to see me again? That it's better if I'm dead?

“Did I say that? Some day I hope you’ll learn to listen.”

Dina lifts her chin and bops Ellie’s nose with her own.

“You suddenly come back from the grave, like a fucking miracle, and then you think I'll just let you go like that? That's crazy talk, Ellie! I don't want you to go away from me, ever again.”

Ellie stares at Dina.

“Really?”

“Yes, really! And you better not because then I may come after you and fucking kill you myself, just to be sure.”

“Whoa there, some would call that bordering on domestic abuse.”

“Oh, shut up, Ellie.”

“Alright, then shut me up.”

Their lips meet again, and this time they both kiss like they mean it. 


	3. Epilogue

The early fall sun shines through the windows of the little homestead when Dina comes out from the bedroom after putting JJ to sleep. As usual, Ellie sits in the living room sofa and stares at Joel’s old guitar in the corner. Dina sinks down beside Ellie with a sigh.

“He’s asleep, finally. Do you think it’s the fermented cabbage that makes him cranky?”

Ellie just stares at the guitar on the other side of the room.

“Ellie? Are you listening to me?”

When Ellie still doesn’t answer, Dina marches over to the guitar and snatches it up. Like woken from a dream, Ellie looks up at her as she passes.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

Dina continues walking, not even giving her a glance.

“I’m going to take _this_ up to the attic.”

“No, wait, that’s Joel’s guitar.”

“Duh. That’s why I’m stowing it away. I can’t stand the way you’re staring at this thing all evening, every evening.”

Dina stops in the doorway.

“You won’t talk, you just sit there all silent and moody. Franky, it has started to freak me out.”

“Babe, I’m sorry. I’ve just have had a lot on my mind lately.”

Dina turns towards her. 

“No kidding. Like what?”

“Well, now when I’m back, and when things have settled down after everything that has happened, I’ve just been thinking a lot about… Joel, that’s all.”

“Oh?” Dina tenses. “What about?”

“Uh, you know…”

“No, I do _not_ know, unless you tell me! I can’t read minds, even if you seem to think so. So what about Joel?”

Ellie shrugs uncomfortably.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about his life, my life, what we leave behind when we pass away. What we want to be remembered for. Stuff like that?”

Dina stares at her, and Ellie scrunches her brow in return.

“Don’t look at me like I’m crazy, Dina. We’ll all die, sooner or later. It’s just a matter of time.”

“Yeah, I get that, but what are you saying, Ellie?”

Ellie reached out her hand, two fingers missing. 

“I’m saying give me the guitar?”

Dina shakes her head and glares at her from narrowed eyes.

“No, I told you I’m putting this away. You can’t use it anyway, with your hand.”

Ellie gives her a weak smile.

“Please? I’ve made a promise.”

Dina turns in the door and stomps up to Ellie.

“A promise? What promise?”

Dina shakes the guitar at her, and Ellie lifts her hands.

“Hey, careful with that.”

Dina isn’t listening, though. 

“This is bullshit! You don’t owe Tommy anything, whatever he’s been telling you!”

Ellie still holds out her hands, but Dina won’t let go of the guitar. Instead it looks like she wants to grab the instrument by its neck and smash it in Ellies head.

“Damn, you’re infuriating, Ellie! Care to tell me what’s going on in there? In that thick skull of yours, huh? Or are we back to silent brooding again?”

Dina tries to put up a brave face, but it contorts trying to fight the sobs.

Ellie looks away, it’s hard to see Dina this way. It’s all her fault. Theres so much she wants to tell her, but as usual the more she feels, the less she can talk about it. Dina moves into her field of view with eyes burning.

“Oh, for gods sake, Ellie, say something! You spend an awful lot of time drinking and talking with Tommy, and that’s fine, I understand you two have a lot to sort out. But why can’t you talk to me? What the hell have you promised Tommy?”

Compared to the shaking mess that is Dina, Ellie is calm and solid as a statue. She’s almost feeling detached. Damn she’s a fucked up person. Finally she finds her voice again.

“Not to Tommy, ”Ellie rasps out and nods towards their bedroom, “To JJ.”

Dina stops in her step, and finally Ellie can reach out and carefully pluck the guitar from her numb hands. Dina lets her do it, and is just staring down at her. Her face is all confusion.

“To JJ?”

Ellie puts down the guitar in her lap and grips one of the turning pegs on the headstock, then starts to unfasten the string. When it slackens, she removes it from the guitar altogether. She gazes up at Dina with a peculiar look.

“Yeah, JJ.”

Dina sits down heavily in the sofa beside her. No longer angry, but shaken. 

“So, no-one’s going away?”

“Nope.”

Dina sinks down where she sits. After a while she moves close to Ellie, who doesn’t protest, and leans her head against Ellies shoulder, one arm around Ellies waist. It’s not as thin as it was when she miraculously came back from the dead a month ago. Still the string bean girl, for sure, but no longer just bones and sinews. 

“Oh, Ellie, I was so afraid I was about to lose you again. I couldn’t take it one more time.”

“You won’t. I promised I won’t go anywhere.”

One by one, the strings loosen and Ellie collects them in a heap on the table beside her. Soon all six strings lie there, all coiled up and glinting like a nest of thin menacing metal snakes. Then she starts to fasten the strings again, but this time in the reverse order, with the thickest at the bottom. Dina’s face is still confused.

“Ellie, what are you doing, exactly?”

Ellie fastens the last string, then she begins to tune the guitar, which she does all by ear.

“Well, before I left, I told JJ I would teach him how to play. Did it right there, out on that old tractor.”

She gestures out through the window towards the old rusty piece of farm machinery that stands all alone the middle of a field of yellowing oats that rustle in the wind. 

“When he gets a bit bigger, of course, but I should start practicing.”

Dina stares at Ellie’s maimed left hand, then att the newly strung and tuned guitar, then back at her hand.

“But…”

Ellie turns the guitar over in her lap, now gripping the neck with her right hand instead. Held in this left-hand position, the strings suddenly are in the right order again, and played by a hand that has all its fingers, strumming the strings with her three-finger hand instead. Ellie lets a couple of notes ring out, then she begins to play. Her right-hand fingers, unaccustomed to form into chords and press down strings, fumbles and flounders clumsily over the fretboard. Finally she grimaces and let go of the guitar. 

“That sounded like utter garbage, didn’t it?”

Dina, still leaning her head against Ellie’s shoulder, mumbles.

“Well, it wasn’t _that_ bad.”

Ellie snorts out a laugh that ends up in a sigh.

“Oh man, thanks for the encouragement. This is much harder than I thought, it will be a long time before I get the hang of this.”

Dina looks up at Ellie, then snuggles in and kisses her neck tenderly.

“But we have all the time in the world, don’t we?”

Ellie turns to Dina and smiles.

“Yeah, we have, babe, we have.”


End file.
